moon's space

April 22, 2025

Nothing feels real

This is something I wrote for a college project that I kind of would like to share.

She sits in her room on her phone. Scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, chatting away with random people on the internet who fill the gaping holes that her IRL friends leave.

Nothing feels real, nothing feels right.

She’s fine being in her room by herself but she finds it hard to find the motivation to go out if nobody goes with her. Sometime’s she’s fine that way, other times everything feels muffled and toned down — the sounds she hears, the objects she sees, everything that she feels. It comes and goes regularly, leaving her empty and void.

She usually loves to go out with friends, but they never like to go out. She finds it hard to make new ones, doesn’t think that she’s interesting enough to anyone else. She can make conversation the majority of the time, but sometimes she feels different. She just agrees and nods — enough to satisfy the other person but also enough to totally wear her social battery out.

But even though she’s exhausted, she doesn’t like to sleep. She’ll miss out on something, she lets the feelings (or lack thereof) consume her until she feels like somebody else entirely — she sees herself as somebody else entirely, disconnected with the way she looks or even the way that others refer to her. She doesn’t trust herself, she can’t tell whether it’s all in her head or if any of it’s real.

But her emotions and memories don’t mean much to her for long. Sometimes she remembers, sometimes she can only do so vaguely without the details. Her emotions disappear, remembering that she felt a certain way but not being able to understand them and find any connection to them.

To her, it doesn’t feel this way — but everything is real, even if nothing feels right.